random roy/ed fic: household violence
Dec. 15th, 2006 10:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mikkenekoTitle: household violence (working title, will take suggestions)
Category: Humor
Rating: R
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Warnings: Humor of low taste
Author's notes: A random piece of worthless fic done in honor of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sky_dark's birthday: I couldn't think of any Ling/Ed or Roy/Ed fic worth writing, so I just wrote this instead. Do not expect quality.
If it hadn't been his house, Roy was pretty sure he could have come up with a witty metaphor about how the current predicament symbolized his and Ed's relationship: himself, always sending Ed in to "deal with your shit," as Ed put it; and Ed, always making a mess of it.
Since it was his house, however, the comparison did not seem so funny at the moment. "You exploded my BATHROOM?!"
"It's not my fault," Ed said defensively. "This house is so fucking old, your plumbing was completely disintigrating. I swear, the reaction was working just find to clean the damn pipes and make them as good as new, but then I hit a patch where the copper had completely corroded off, and all that was holding it together was years of accumulated crud, and there wasn't any metal for me to work with --"
First the kitchen, then the library, then the bathroom -- at this rate, there weren't going to be many rooms in his house that Ed was allowed in. Roy pinched the bridge of his nose, and tried to take a deep breath; changed his mind in the first whiff, and headed for the phone.
"Don't call the plumber, I can fix it, I know what I did wrong!" Ed protested, then paused. "Um. You might want to call a cleaner's, though."
"Nothing of the sort," Roy said, fingers stabbing at the phone buttons. "I'm booking a hotel -- Hello, Sunrise Inn?"
"Hello again, Mr. Mustang," the receptionist, Betty, said cheerfully. "Trouble in the home again? Not to worry, we'll get your usual room ready for you right away!"
"Oh." Ed brightened. "Ok, that's cool. We haven't done it in a hotel in a while. Make sure it's a classy place this time, though, none of that pay-by-the-hour shit --"
"A single, please," Roy said. "I am going to be staying at the hotel. You are going to be cleaning my carpets; if I'm going to be hiring the plumber, I am not going to spend on cleaners as well." It was a harsh punishment to impose, perhaps, but Ed would just call up his scent-immune brother to help him do the dirty work, and besides Roy felt the need to avenge his house -- his poor, beleagured house.
And besides, sooner or later Edward was going to explain to his brother exactly what he had been doing when he was spending all this time at Roy's place, and Roy had no intention of being in the area when the shit hit the fan.
~fin~
Category: Humor
Rating: R
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Warnings: Humor of low taste
Author's notes: A random piece of worthless fic done in honor of
sky_dark's birthday: I couldn't think of any Ling/Ed or Roy/Ed fic worth writing, so I just wrote this instead. Do not expect quality.If it hadn't been his house, Roy was pretty sure he could have come up with a witty metaphor about how the current predicament symbolized his and Ed's relationship: himself, always sending Ed in to "deal with your shit," as Ed put it; and Ed, always making a mess of it.
Since it was his house, however, the comparison did not seem so funny at the moment. "You exploded my BATHROOM?!"
"It's not my fault," Ed said defensively. "This house is so fucking old, your plumbing was completely disintigrating. I swear, the reaction was working just find to clean the damn pipes and make them as good as new, but then I hit a patch where the copper had completely corroded off, and all that was holding it together was years of accumulated crud, and there wasn't any metal for me to work with --"
First the kitchen, then the library, then the bathroom -- at this rate, there weren't going to be many rooms in his house that Ed was allowed in. Roy pinched the bridge of his nose, and tried to take a deep breath; changed his mind in the first whiff, and headed for the phone.
"Don't call the plumber, I can fix it, I know what I did wrong!" Ed protested, then paused. "Um. You might want to call a cleaner's, though."
"Nothing of the sort," Roy said, fingers stabbing at the phone buttons. "I'm booking a hotel -- Hello, Sunrise Inn?"
"Hello again, Mr. Mustang," the receptionist, Betty, said cheerfully. "Trouble in the home again? Not to worry, we'll get your usual room ready for you right away!"
"Oh." Ed brightened. "Ok, that's cool. We haven't done it in a hotel in a while. Make sure it's a classy place this time, though, none of that pay-by-the-hour shit --"
"A single, please," Roy said. "I am going to be staying at the hotel. You are going to be cleaning my carpets; if I'm going to be hiring the plumber, I am not going to spend on cleaners as well." It was a harsh punishment to impose, perhaps, but Ed would just call up his scent-immune brother to help him do the dirty work, and besides Roy felt the need to avenge his house -- his poor, beleagured house.
And besides, sooner or later Edward was going to explain to his brother exactly what he had been doing when he was spending all this time at Roy's place, and Roy had no intention of being in the area when the shit hit the fan.
~fin~
