mikkeneko: (ded)
[personal profile] mikkeneko
Uh... okay. So, this one was half written to address some things that bothered me about the series, and half written just to see if I could. The premise is pretty ridiculous, but after I'd gotten that down, it turned surprisingly sad and wistful. Hope you like...


Title: Austere and Lonely Offices
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, weirdness
Notes: Roy-centric, spans about 10 years




It's not often that a mere Major -- even a brand-new-minted State Alchemist -- is summoned to a private meeting with the Fuhrer. Roy Mustang, days away from his twentieth birthday, is full of fanciful thoughts and stories. He is being selected, he thinks, for a special mission, one which can only be entrusted to him alone. He is looking forward to it, eagerly -- looking forward to being able to serve his country, and his leader, in any way he can.

He wasn't expecting this.

"Sir," Roy blurts out helplessly, "are you -- are you ordering me to -- to sleep with your wife?"

The woman is seated on a low davenport, facing him; her husband, Fuhrer King Bradley, stands behind it. He places a hand on her shoulder, gently, and says, "The doctors have confirmed it for certain; I am unable to have children naturally. Yet I must, for the sake of my wife and my position, have a child I can raise and love as my own." He raises his head, and fixes the stern gaze of his one remaining eye. "I have heard well of you, Roy Mustang; both for your intelligence, to pass the State Alchemist examination so young, as well as your young man's virility."

Roy gulps, and stammers, and doesn't know how to explain to the leader of his country that these stories of his prowess were all fake, boasts and brags made up to win the respect of his peers, and if not for a fumbled night with the barmaid the day before he shipped out, he'd still be a virgin. In the end, he just says, "Sir."

The Fuhrer gives him a grave nod, which makes Roy feel ten times smaller. "You should feel honored, young man; the importance of this matter to national security cannot be overstated," he tells him in a gravely voice. "The country follows not only the leader, but the image of the leader, to unify the people in support and contentment. But the support of the people is a capricious thing, that can be cruel. If news of my condition were to become public knowledge, though a blameless crime, it would quickly become a scandal that could potentially shatter this country's confidence. Those who oppose me for their own reasons would quickly seize on anything as an excuse to build up their own power base, ripping apart our unity. Do you understand?"

He doesn't; he's young and overwhelmed and this talk about public opinion and factionalism and image is too far above his head, the stuff of politics and governmental matters, not for him. But the way the Fuhrer is looking at him makes him feel like he can't admit to this, can't let him down, so he only stiffens his hands at his sides, and says "Yes, sir."

The Fuhrer's face creases in a smile, and that relieves Roy; he doesn't want to let this man down. But still -- something like this -- his eyes are drawn downward, against his will, to the couch where the Fuhrer's wife sits, pale and composed, hands crossed in her lap. "But -- ma'am -- is this really..."

"Is this really what I want? Yes, it is." Anna Bradley raises her chin, looking determined; one hand rises up to rest on her husband's hand, on her shoulder. "I love my husband. I will do anything possible to support his career. Furthermore, I want children. We've discussed this before, and all the possibilities. I know that, no matter what, Bradley will love our child and raise it as our own."

"Yes, ma'am," Roy said, somewhat helplessly.

"As you can see, that is not an issue you need to worry about," Bradley says gravely. "But secrecy is of the utmost importance for this task. You can see that not one whisper of this can ever escape to reach the ears of the others. Do you accept this task?"

He is given an order by the leader of your nation, your supreme commander in chief; no matter what the order, Roy does not know how to say no. If he even can say no.



The first night, Roy is terrified; so much so that he can hardly perform the duty he's been assigned. He tries very, very hard to be careful and respectful, to make up for his lack of experience, and at the end, either he's managed not to hurt her, or she doesn't complain.

The second night, Roy is a little more secure; enough that he offers, diffidently, to return the favor for her. To try and accompany this act with a little more pleasure than just that necessary for the mechanics of the situation itself. She declines, and thanks him for his consideration.

By the third night, he is familiar with the routine. Whatever else he does in the evening, socializing with his peers, being seen, even occasionally leaving with a woman to keep up the act, at midnight when they come to fetch him he must be alone. He is escorted to the Fuhrer's residence through alleys in the city he never knew existed. His escorts leave him at Anna's door, long enough to do the deed, but hardly a few minutes after that; and he is returned to the dorms afterwards, completely in secret. The Fuhrer himself is never seen.

If the subject of the assignment weren't so shameful, Roy might feel excited, as though this were some grand adventure, some all-important clandestine mission. Instead, when he finds himself in his room again alone, he cannot explain just why there seems to be a layer of invisible grime over his skin.



It does not occur to him until later -- years later -- that this might be considered a case of sexual abuse.

Not that it matters.



After two weeks of nightly visits, the escorts stop coming; the next day, he receives from his sergeant another discreetly worded note, stating that the success of the assignment has been confirmed, and he is no longer required. That makes him feel better; vastly relieved, for more reasons than he can quite fathom, and a little victorious.

A month later, a triumphant headline runs in the newspaper: the Fuhrer's wife is expecting. An almost holiday feeling settles over the city; the men walk around with stiff backs and puffed chests, as though sharing in their leader's good fortune, and the women are all mad with romantic and maternal fervor. Morale in the army runs high, despite the mounting losses in the Ishvar campaign, and Roy feels proud that he was able, in some anonymous part, to contribute to this.

It occurs to him to regret, in a humorous way, that he has pulled off the ultimate coup -- he has slept with the wife of the leader of his country, and impregnated her with his child -- and he will never, ever be able to brag about it. He keeps the secret in his head, and silent, and contents himself with the knowledge that he is a little different from all his peers, for all their posing.



After that, other men's girls don't seem so sacred any more.



He does not follow the details of the pregnancy, or the birth. He has other things to concern him. It is not very much longer before State Alchemists are called into Ishvar, and with the rest of them, Roy goes. It is his first combat assignment.

The next few months are a nightmare of blood and burning buildings, of following trails of blood through smoky and rubble-strewn alleyways, of flushing out guerillas (children! only children!) with knives and stolen guns. For a year, Roy can't concern himself with much of anything besides a stain of black on the wall, smears of blood over glass, betrayal and death.

He wants to die.



He can no longer look up to the Fuhrer. Mud and smoke and blood have washed away his innocence and naiveté. The only thing that keeps him going is the determination that someday, after the Fuhrer is gone, he will step into his place and he will change things. He is no longer alone, without support against the world; he has friends who will help him, and he settles himself in for the long, slow climb.

For a while he contemplated a satisfying revenge against the Fuhrer who'd orchestrated so much blood and death and chaos; the scandal that he'd so feared years before, multiplied, to bring the man out of power, to revenge his lost innocence. But as satisfying as the thought might be, it is only a daydream; who would take his word for it, unsupported, against all the extinguishing pressure that the Fuhrer could bring to bear on him? Even if he succeeded, he could only create more chaos, and it would be his wife who suffered most from it, and his son.

The Fuhrer's son was born while he was gone. Roy makes no attempt to see him, or watch over him; he barely skims the personal stories in the paper, makes no attempt to attend the same parties. He does not care to become involved, nor dare.

A part of him feels vaguely concerned, vaguely responsible, but it is enough to hear -- through idle chatter, or an editorial here or there -- that the Fuhrer is a dedicated family man, a loving husband and a fine father. That whatever his flaws as a leader, he is still a decent enough person to care well for his family.



He catches sight of a photograph, once, and wishes he had not. The boy looks like him.



Seasons change, scandals come and go. Roy gets promoted, then again. It sickens him, a little, to use his reputation from Ishvar as credit for advancement, but his determination steadies him. Hughes gets married, which relieves Roy, because this last step seems to convince Hughes at last that Roy is not going to steal his fiancée away from him. Roy does not have the heart to tell him that if he had ANY interest in stealing Gracia away, which he doesn't, a wedding band would not stop him.

It's when he's standing beside Hughes at the altar, the best man at the ceremony, and listening to the preacher drone on, that something occurs to him. He is older now, and some things which seemed like far-off 'someday' dreams to his eighteen-year-old are suddenly, shockingly now.

For the first time, it really hits him; he is a father, he has a child. He has a son out there who he will never see, who will never know him, who will grow up belonging to another, and Roy has no hope of ever reclaiming him.



The military is also searching for your father, Hohenheim. Roy looks down at the bed, at the little boy lying pale and bloodless between the sheets, and it twists something hard in his gut, although he lets nothing show on his face. He does not care for this combination of children and blood, of pain and fear on young faces.

This boy is brave, to do what he's done, to pick up a weapon far too deadly for a child and point it in the face of death. He had already decided that he would not report this crime, no matter what the laws say; now something moves inside him to push him further. "Come and see me in Central," he says. "I will help you."

These boys are without their father, and Roy is without his child. As he walks back into the rain, pulling the soaked hood over his head, he finds himself hoping -- for the brothers' sake, nothing more -- that they come to him.



He arranges things the best he can; one of the newer State alchemists is a family man, with a young daughter, and his area of research is squarely in line with what the boys are seeking. He is no parent, Roy thinks, and it's best for the boys to be set up in a family household, to comfort them from their recent losses.

It's a mistake.

Looking down at the golden hair, dull and flattened by the rain, he cannot let the boy's sobs tear his heart out. This is his fault, he thinks, his failure to foresee or prevent this, although intellectually he knows the blame all falls on that madman Tucker, and whoever it was that murdered the little girl.

He wishes that he could take this pain away from them, that he could send them away from this place and this city and anything that ever resembled alchemy again. But he doesn't have that power. The most he can do, he comes to realize, is support them in the direction they need to go.



The sky is high and blue, when they put his best friend in the ground. Gracia weeps softly at the foot of the grave, and her daughter's voice is miserable and confused, crying for her lost father. Of everything, it's her face that Roy can't get out of his head.

The sky is high and blue, and it is raining.



The country is at war. The country is always at war, moving from one fabricated enemy to the next. The Fuhrer sets them at each others' throats, like dogs, friend against friend and family against family.

The Fuhrer sent him here to kill the boy, he knows. He's wondered for a long time how much the Fuhrer knows, how far into Roy's own head he sees, and whether the choice of this assignment was oblivious or deliberate cruelty.

He will do what he has to, he thinks, to make it to the top; to gain the power he needs, to protect the children from war. He's not sure whether the Fuhrer knows, and whether it was intentional, to present him with this dilemma.

Not that there's any choice to be made. Not when Fullmetal is watching him like that, anger and defiance layered over fear. Wild and desperate. Cornered. Hunted. A familiar face, oh yes, a very familiar face; one he's seen in his nightmares for years since Ishvar. Edward is no coward, by any stretch of the imagination; but he ran, because he was afraid, and Roy hunted him down.

What, he wonders, is going on behind those golden eyes? What does Ed imagine that Roy is about to do? What does Ed think he means to Roy, after all this time, all this effort that Roy has poured into him, all this grief and worry that he received in return?

Hughes was lucky, Roy reflects, that he never had a son.

"Why?" he asks, and his anger rings in the little canyon he and Armstrong created. "Why did you not come to me?"



The Fuhrer is a homunculus.

Roy's betrayal is complete. As the last veil is stripped away, he can see everything; everything the Fuhrer has done, why it was done; his part in it, just a tiny cog in the wheel of the larger machine. The Fuhrer has used him, used them all, used them up; men, women, children all.

The plan of careful waiting is no more. Roy stares out the window of the car as the city rumbles past, Hawkeye in the driver's seat. He will no longer wait, he must act, he must act to see that one more child is never harmed by the Fuhrer's smiling devilry. One more child who is too close, much too close to this monster in human form.

"It will be your job to see that the Fuhrer's family is taken far away," he says quietly, over the rumble of the engine. "Somewhere safely away."

Hawkeye murmurs agreement. He never told her about this, although he thinks she suspects something at least. It won't matter for much longer, though. Very little will matter for much longer.

He will see the Fuhrer dead. He will have no more children used as pawns, forced unwittingly into shame, or fear, or violence, or pain.

His son will be safe at last.

Date: 2005-03-26 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cosmicbiscuit.livejournal.com
Damn...I never even considered it, but Salem does look a lot like Roy. It's a very interesting "what if..." and I absolutely love the theme of fathers throughout the entire story, passing from Bradley to Hohenheim, to Tucker, to Hughes, and back to Bradley. And I love how Roy's own guilt and ideals on fathers seems to tie him to each of them. And at the end, how he finally takes the iron stand he's been wanting to take all along. Love.

Date: 2005-03-26 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Because of that, do you think the episode 8 section is important to include? I was dubious about that one, because I didn't think it contributed anything to the story, but if you think the Tucker element contributes a role, then I'll leave it in.

And one thing I tried to address subtly -- but wasn't sure I managed -- was that Roy felt personally betrayed by Bradley, not just professionally. It was a vibe I sort of got from the series, from Roy's reactions when he finds out the truth about Bradley, and I wanted to try to recapture it here.

Date: 2005-03-26 01:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cryogenia.livejournal.com
I thought the Tucker element contributes very well. It's one thing to say he adopted the Elrics b/c of lingering guilt, it's another to have him realize that he's sucking at his role as a father :D

In general tho, <3 <3 <3 for this. I had the same thought about the kid when I first saw him, but I'd never have thought of connecting it into something like this.

Date: 2005-03-26 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
The idea had been floating around in my head for ages, ever since we first saw Selim, but it was a long time before I decided to do something with it. ^^

The way Roy is in this fic, he's sort of having these paternal urges, but he's still young and he has absolutely no experience and he has NO idea what he's doing. Like any young father, but without the benefit of being able to ask anyone for advice. ^^;

Date: 2005-03-26 02:11 am (UTC)
herongale: (Default)
From: [personal profile] herongale
The military is also searching for your father, Hohenheim.

This line reads like Roy is addressing Hohenheim, instead of speaking of him. Perhaps a period instead of a comma there would make the distinction more clear.

Nevertheless... I love this. I love it a lot. It's a really good speculative fic and you've managed to fit a hell of a lot of scope into such a small story, with enough detail that it doesn't burn away into mere 'reporting.' The emotional tone is restrained, but that's appropriate... it would be so easy to go over the top with this, to delve explicitly into Roy's angst and spell it out in painful detail. By NOT doing this, you've managed to avoid diluting the power of the idea and allowing the reader to fill in the pain for herself. Wonderful.

(P.S. keep the Tucker bit, it works.)

As for title suggestions. Hmm, let's see. *considers at length* ...how about "Disenchantment?"

Date: 2005-03-26 02:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Hmm. That's the way the line is in the (fansub) episode I saw, but you're right about the confusion... I may take out the comma, or alter the line entirely.

Ah, yes, the "minimalist style" rears its head again. ^^ Also known as the "Mikke can't be bothered to write this out in a long epic like it really calls for, so she dashes off a few paragraphs per incident and skips the rest" style. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Ooh, that title is a possibility...

Date: 2005-03-26 03:14 am (UTC)
herongale: (Default)
From: [personal profile] herongale
Not everything calls for epic writing. Whitecat recently did a 10-drabbles things of a mere 1000 words, exploring the entire scope of an possible Elricest relationship between Al and Ed. And it was amazing.

Sometimes short is better then long, honestly.

As for the title... you like it, you can snag it. Later I might go hunting for more title ideas if you are interested... finding titles for stories is one of my pet loves. <3

Date: 2005-03-26 03:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-pen.livejournal.com
Wow... Never thought of anything like that (and the entire theme is carried out so well...)

I honestly wish that I could say something other than, "This is incredible, your Roy makes me melancholy," but I really can't think of anything else to say. Your minimalist approach really conveys the emotions well, and the last line really touched me (leaving it deliberately vague on whether he was referring to Selim or Edward?)

As for a title... hm... how about "The Torn Veil", to go with the line you used for the Fuhrer's final betrayal? *can't think of anything better this early in the morning @_@*

Date: 2005-03-26 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
A lot of lines were left vague so as to be ambiguous in meaning, so yeah. ^_^ And I'll definitely consider that one for the title...

It's funny, how this story centers around a character who isn't even introduced until the last few episodes of the anime, and pretty much appears only to die... never appears in person in this story, and yet carries so much weight with Roy. *ponders*

Date: 2005-03-26 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stereonights.livejournal.com
I'm so glad that someone properly addressed Roy's desires to act as a father to the boys in Hoenheim's absence or inability due to psychosis/immortality. I enjoyed this a lot.

Date: 2005-03-26 01:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
As I mentioned below, I wouldn't want to do it all the time, since I do enjoy Roy/Ed as a pairing and the parental vibe sorta precludes that. But I like the idea, I think it's likely and supported in canon, and it deserved its chance in the sun.

Date: 2005-03-26 05:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sharona1x2.livejournal.com
I never would have imagined this idea for a story. I'm very glad that you did. It was a wonderful new way to view Roy. ♥

Date: 2005-03-26 12:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
I don't think I've ever seen this brand of Roy angst done before. *grins* And while I am myself a Roy/Ed shipper and thus too much paternal!Roy squicks up my pairing, I thought it deserved some story time to develop and play itself out.

Date: 2005-03-26 06:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kytyngurl2.livejournal.com
That was great! You captured Roy -perfectly-. His initial naiveness, his Ishbal guilt, parental guilt, his reasons for stealing woman, betrayal by the Fuherer... everything!

The sexual abuse line was Ooooooh.

As I said in chat: This somehow makes 51 all the more ouch. He couldn't save any of his 'son's. :/

Date: 2005-03-26 12:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Damn right about the sexual abuse... I mean, just turn it around. Suppose Roy were a woman, and the Fuhrer called her into his office and said "So, one of my staff officers needs a woman to bear his child, and I hear you're a slut, so hop to it." Young!Roy can't identify it as sexual abuse, nor could he find any way to fight back against it even if he could, but it's definitely there.

Heh, I'm glad you liked the 'stealing women' part. That was just a throwaway, but I liked it. XD

Date: 2005-03-26 06:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cerusee.livejournal.com
Dude, even your funny plot bunnies end up as angst.

Date: 2005-03-26 12:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
I know! This KEEPS HAPPENING! Only Family was supposed to be a paean to chibi!Al's cuteness, and it turned all angsty! Even the fluffy foursome fic kept turning up angst. What's up with that?

Date: 2005-03-26 11:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaitou-marina.livejournal.com
Ow, oh my god that hurt my brain, but only because I'm half-asleep and it hurt me in a good way.

But oh man... poor Roy. Augh!

Date: 2005-03-26 12:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Yeah, this pretty much does suck for Roy. ;_; I had debated whether to go all the way through episode 51, and to see Roy's reaction when Selim dies in front of him, but I got lazy and copped out decided it was best to leave it 'unresolved.' Then someone also suggested including Roy's reaction to finding Edward, his other 'son,' gone... Argh no, too much work. ;_;
(deleted comment)

Date: 2005-03-26 12:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Ah, yay! The thing I liked best about the skipping forward with only a few paragraphs at each stop, was that we got to cover almost 10 years... and got to watch Roy's progression. He starts out as a clueless kid (hey, I'm 20, and I agree I'm pretty clueless) and slowly, as things happen to him and he matures, his outlook changes.

Date: 2005-03-26 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zalia.livejournal.com
Ah... you wrote it then.


It's really good. The way theme of fatherhood spans the whole fic along with the way Roy grows and realises things he didn't notice before like:

It does not occur to him until later -- years later -- that this might be considered a case of sexual abuse.


I like the idea of Roy and Ed having a father/son relationship (even though I like RoyxEd more ^^;) and it works very well. Roy worrying about them and that typing back to Selim.

Great fic!

Date: 2005-03-26 06:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
*nods* I wanted to be able to cover the change of perspective. At first, as a callow young man, Roy is most concerned with the sex aspect of it -- he's banging his commander-in-chief's WIFE, ohmygawd -- and how that makes him feel, and thoughts of the scandal that goes with it.

As he gets older, though, sex stops being such a big thing to him, and his attention shifts to the kid instead, to the fact that essentially his son has been taken away from him, and the sense of loss that he feels and how he attempts to deal with it. So yeah, as time goes by, Roy's perspective changes, and I wanted to show that shift.

Date: 2005-03-27 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] devils-devotion.livejournal.com
...And here I was going to say all these things and people ending up saying them before me.

...My life is pain. 8D *rolls around for a bit*

Date: 2005-03-27 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
You could say them again. I'd be happy to read them again. *purrs*

Date: 2005-03-27 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] devils-devotion.livejournal.com
I'll just say that only you can turn a somewhat crackish idea into enlightened reading, and that you are brilliant because of it. How's that?

Date: 2005-03-27 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
That'll do. That makes me happy, since I'm always trying my hand at cracktastic ideas (Sloth/Ed, anyone?) just to see if they *can* be done.

Date: 2005-03-27 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] acdragonmaster.livejournal.com
Man... I remember the other week when I was chatting with Hime and she quoted to me some bit of a conversation about the idea behind this... it's downright frightening how incredibly plausible it is. >_< Very nicely done, even though it's so very sad.... ;_;

(*thanks [livejournal.com profile] kytyngurl2 for telling her this was posted*)

Date: 2005-03-28 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
Ah, I'm glad you came over to see it. n.n It's an old idea, like I said to Cryo, I've had it almost since the series ended... and then I was waffling the last two weeks constantly before finally writing it. It's good that it came out feeling sad, and more importantly, plausible... the scenario is so silly, when you think about it, it has to be plausible to make up for it.

Now I'm babbling.

Glad you liked it. :)

Date: 2005-03-28 08:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] acdragonmaster.livejournal.com
*nods* I've always thought Roy acted a lot like a father figure to the boys, and your fic provided a very good explanation of that particular look in his eyes showing up as early as episode 3.

And while the scenario may be silly, it does make a frightening amount of sense.... >_>

Date: 2005-03-28 09:48 am (UTC)
axiom_of_stripe: Fullmetal Alchemist: Winry repairs Ed's arm (Mechanic)
From: [personal profile] axiom_of_stripe
wow -- what a fascinating take on roy! and the end, knowing what we know.... poor, poor roy!

Profile

mikkeneko: (Default)
mikkeneko

February 2019

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
2425262728  

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Mar. 28th, 2026 03:40 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios