Postscripts

[mikkeneko]

These were all written in response to the  Timestamp/Where Are They Now meme, where people could choose a story and request to see what happens five years later. 

1. Dog Days

Fai heard the footsteps on the walkway and the door slam, and looked up from his workbook as a deep bass voice called out. "I'm home!"

"Welcome back," he called in return, and hastily began to shuffle papers onto the desk so that he could get up to greet his lover.

Before he had half-extricated himself from the pile, the wooden doorframe creaked as Kurogane leaned on it with a chuckle. "Don't bother getting up," he said. "I'm about to go shower to get the dust off."

"Kuro-dirty works so hard," Fai said, grinning up at the tall man. "Don't you ever get tired of slaving away all day in the hot sun?"

The question was teasing, but there was a half-serious note in it. Fai sometimes felt guilty about how hard Kurogane worked, knowing it was mostly for his sake. At least now he had a job, even if only a part-time one; there had been a tight period a few years ago, after Fai lost his job waiting tables, when they had nothing but Kurogane's income down at the docks to survive on. The first few weeks had been bad ones; Fai had been sick and weak, completely at the end of his rope. It wasn't until he'd had to intercede in a fight between Kurogane and his old landlord, Ashura, that he realized he couldn't just lay back and rely on Kurogane for everything. That realization had enabled him to get up and start sorting out the mess that had been his life.

In the past four years Kurogane had moved from a grunt job hauling crates and boxes, to an assistant and apprentice to a small but well-respected construction firm. Although he was at best an indifferent reader he was smart, quick to learn, and eager to work, and by now was pulling in quite a respectable salary. He still spent the majority of his time working out in the weather, hauling beams and blocks around, which accounted for his now-familiar patina of dirt and sweat; and he wrinkled his nose adorably in response to the question, Fai thought.

"Don't see why I would," Kurogane said. "I like the chance to get out in the open air and do things. I'd go stir-crazy cooped up in a dark room surrounded by paper and shit like you do. And they don't pay you enough for it," he said with aggravation. This was something of a sore point with him; he never thought Fai's employers paid him what Kurogane thought he was worth.

Fai smiled, and answered as he always did when Kurogane said that: "It's not just about the money, Kuro-miser," he said. "They offer good benefits and they let me take hours that work with my schedule. And since my library is associated with the city university, they'll be an important reference for getting financial aid when I apply."

"You're still sure about this idea of becoming a lawyer?" Kurogane asked dubiously. His skepticism was not entirely unfounded; in the two years since Fai had completed his GED, he'd run through a spectacular array of different career plans before finally settling on law. Actually, Fai's initial impulse had been to go into social work, in order to help people in bad situations like his own had been. Fai knew well that his own survival and turnaround had been no less than a miracle - a miracle who still graced his life every day. He'd wanted to be able to provide the same chance to other people.

But the job of a social worker was a hard and thankless one, and the more Fai read case studies, the more he realized he would quickly burn out with such constant exposure to suffering that he couldn't alleviate. Besides, the law and legislative side of the system fascinated him; he'd started asking questions, and almost before he knew it he'd been co-opted into working part-time at the university library.

"I'm sure," Fai said, spreading out the sheaf of papers in his hand on the desk with a smile. Kurogane grunted and trekked further into the room - getting dust all over the carpet, Fai noticed indignantly, but then, he always had - and planted his hands on the arms of the chair, leaning in for a kiss. Fai kissed him back deeply, and inhaled - Kurogane's aroma was not exactly rosy, smelling of oil and sweat and a faint underlying doggy tang that never quite went away - but it was familiar and beloved. He broke away, still smiling, and pushed his glasses up his nose. "After a few months, if I make the right connections, I can even whip up some passports and birth-certificates for Kuro-pup," he said.

"Don't see why all that's so important anyway," Kurogane grumbled. "Stupid bureaucratic red tape. I'm here, aren't I? I don't need papers to prove it."

Fai threw a pen at him. "Well, for once I'd like to be able to put you down on a lease," he said in an acid tone. "And travel out of the state. Not to mention taxes. I'm getting tired of having to lie to cover up where all this second income comes from. And sooner or later your bosses are going to push the issue when asking for your identification, you know."

"Yeah, yeah," Kurogane said, waving these lesser considerations aside. "Whatever you say. It's important to you, anyway."

And for Kurogane, that was all that ever mattered.

Fai rose from his chair, spilling pens and paper all over, and wrapped his arms around Kurogane, kissing him again. He just wanted reassurance that he would be able to keep Kurogane by his side, his personal miracle. He wanted Kurogane in his life - forever.

"Go wash up," he murmured, patted his hair, and smiled. "Then come back to the bedroom, and let's play."

---

2. The Princess' Smile

Ashura's meeting with the Trade Minister finished early that day. Left with an unexpected gap in his schedule, the King of Ceres decided to take the rare opportunity to check on his daughter.

He was somewhat surprised by how big she'd grown; more like a small person now, bouncing around like a cricket and chattering in an odd mix of Ceresian and Nihongo. He was even more surprised to find Fai in the nursery with her, bent over her with some incomprehensible bright toy. Fai looked older, too; more graceful, mature, less like a gawky teenager than Ashura was used to. But then, the King thought, it's about time; he's past thirty.

Fai scrambled to his feet and bowed deeply when Ashura entered. "Sire," he said, then smiled. "This is a welcome surprise."

"How fares my daughter in her lessons?" Ashura asked, watching the child sing to herself as she wandered along.

Fai shot him an odd look and raised his eyebrows. "She's only three years old, my lord. It's a bit early for lessons," he said in a tone of mild reproof. Then he smiled. "But she already knows her letters. Why don't I let her show you? Sakura!" he called out, raising his voice and his tone. "Come here, flower-princess."

The little girl ran obediently to Fai's arms, and he swooped her up and hugged her, then turned smiling to Ashura. "What's your name, princess?" he asked her.

"My name's Sakura!" she proclaimed.

"And can you spell Sakura?" the blond man asked.

"Yes!" she said, and her chubby face glowed with pride as she raised it and proclaimed, "Ess, Ay, Kay, Yooo, Arr, Ay!"

"And who am I?" Fai said, smiling and pointing at his face.

"Fai-niisan!" Sakura said, bouncing in his arms and giggling. "Ess, Ay, Eye!"

"And who's this?" Fai said, pointing to Ashura.

Sakura looked over at him, and the small green eyes blinked for a moment in incomprehension before she grinned in recognition. "King!" she proclaimed.

"No, flower," Fai said, giving her a gentle shake. "Father. That's Father."

Ashura's smile dimmed, and he sat back in his chair, rubbing his finger absently over his lips as he watched Fai trying to coax his daughter into saying his name.

Three years - could it really have been three years? It must have been, else the high-blood courtiers that plagued Ashura's ears would not have thought to suggest the idea of remarriage.

Rui, my beloved... His thoughts darkened further, and it was with an effort that he steered himself away from the blackness that had overcome him. No. He would never remarry.

And yet, he had to admit, that left him with a problem. If he had never had any children, he would have the option of choosing his own heir - or at least, choosing whichever of the old clan scions he found the least offensive. Since there was a girl child, however, the kingship would attach itself to her marriage; whoever married Sakura would be the next king. A possibility that, no doubt, would entice power-hungry flatterers from all corners of the country to fight over her like dogs over a piece of meat. Unless he chose a husband for her first.

"Your majesty?" A voice broke into his meanderings, pulling his attention back to the moment. He saw a pale-haired adolescent boy, with thick spectacles over his eyes, hovering uncertainly by his elbow.

"What is it, Yukito?" he asked. It had to be important enough for the boy to approach him unasked, but not important enough to interrupt his meeting with the Trade Minister. He studied the boy's face, his posture; he looked upset, but not urgent. "Did you have another vision?" he asked, making his voice gentle.

"Yes. I thought you'd like to know," Yukito said, bobbing his head. "I dreamed... about a boy. Dark hair, dark skin. All of his family had that, too. Probably Autozam, maybe Hanshin."

"Talented?" Ashura probed. Every wizard they could gather was an asset, every one increased their power.

Yukito nodded. "I saw him pick up a table with his mind," he said, then paused. He looked down, and Ashura saw a glint of wetness in his eyes. "His father beat him, and locked him in a cage," he whispered.

"Ah." Ashura nodded understanding. "Well then, by all means, let us bring him to live here with us," he said calmly.

Fai had drifted closer, listening; with one hand holding Sakura's chubby fist, he placed the other on Yukito's shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. "Don't worry, Yukito," he said, and gave him a reassuring smile that lit up his face. "He'll be all right. I'll go and find him."

Yukito smiled back, tremblingly, and Sakura bounced at Fai's knee, clamoring for attention. As Ashura watched him bend to pick the little girl up, still talking reassuringly to the teenage dreamseer, he was suddenly reminded of a shepherd, tending to his flock. Fai stood above them by a head, tall and graceful as a heron; he moved with an unconscious self-confidence and authority. Such a shame, Ashura thought, that the Council would never approve an official adoption of Fai as his heir...

The idea broke on him like an epiphany, and he smiled wider as he watched the toddler pull Fai over to her pile of toys. "Fai-niisan, look, a broom," the little girl said, holding out a cinder-brush that one of the maids must have left lying around. She began laying about her with it enthusiastically. "I'm seeping! I'm seeping!"

Fai tipped his head back and laughed, and Ashura smiled as he stood up and went to join him. "Quite an enthusiastic little housewife, isn't she?" he remarked. "She'll make someone a wonderful wife someday."

"Oh, yes," Fai said, nodding enthusiastically. "I envy the man that she marries, but I think I pity him, as well. She has quite a mind of her own, our princess does!"

"Yes, indeed," Ashura said, and walked away, already making plans in his mind.

---

3. Honorbound

Youou watched anxiously as the ritual completed, as the last hints of blue drained from Fai's eyes. He'd been warned this would happen, but it was still startling to see the familiar sky-clear color be replaced with the brilliant strange of gold. The expression on his face seemed to drain away with it, the normal happy glow that lit his face when he looked at Youou being replaced with a blank wary mask.

"There," he said abruptly, standing and pulling the small toad statue the Witch had given him out of Fai's hands. The stone was stained dark with Fai's blood - necessary, to transfer the spell from his blood to the talisman - but Youou felt a sudden urge to throw it away, smash it against a nearby tree. Only the Witch's warning about what would happen if the magic were released stayed his hand. "It's done. You're free."

He thought he'd been prepared for this moment, but how could he be, really? He had no idea how Fai would react, to being released of the magic that had held him in thrall for three fucking years. He knew he'd been pissed, when it had been him. But he was different from that bastard Fei Wong Reed. Wasn't he?

Fai didn't say anything, at least not at first. He drew in on himself, rubbing his hands along his arms as though he were cold. "Feels... strange," he said. His teeth chattered.

"I'll get you a blanket," Youou offered immediately. He came back with the blanket, draping it over the vampire's shoulders; Fai blinked up at him in dazed surprise. Those gold eyes, they still looked so wrong in his face... no, Youou berated himself; the blue had been wrong. This was Fai's true self now, the first time that the two of them had ever truly come face to face.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, unable to bear the straining tension any more. "Can you - Do you hate me?"

"Wha?" Fai shook his head in incomprehension.

"For - never mind," Youou said. It was obviously too soon to press his contrition on Fai, who was in no state to absolve him. "Never mind. Get some sleep, Fai."

With that proclamation, Youou turned and walked away, seating himself on the other side of the campfire.

"Youou."

He heard a noise behind him, and did a double-take. Fai had stood and come around the campfire - of course, he didn't have to obey Youou's thoughtless order to sleep.

"Why would I hate you?" Fai said again, his voice clearer and gentler than before.

"Because..." Youou looked down at the ground, his hands gripping the stone between them so tightly as to be painful. "I enslaved you," he said, his voice as harsh and bleak as the rock he held.

Fai sighed, and came to sit beside Youou, stumbling slightly as he lowered himself; so unlike the vampire's usual pale grace.

"Youou," Fai began after a few minutes; to order his thoughts, perhaps. "I know I... answered many of your questions about my people; who we are, how we live. But there are many questions you never would have thought to ask, and so I never told you.

"Thralldom is nothing new to my people, Youou. It's in our nature - the nature of the bond between us and our prey, between masters and mates. It... we have spent hundreds of years refining our culture, our customs, to regulate the bonds of control and consent among us."

Youou couldn't help but flush at the 'mates' comment, remembering some nights on the trail - cold, lonely nights when he hadn't been able to resist Fai's seductive entreaties any more.

"What you think of as 'slavery' isn't inherently offensive or bad among my people," Fai continued. "There's nothing evil about being a master, and nothing humiliating about being a slave. You, a human.. You're not one of my people, you don't know our customs and ways, but you were... a good master, respectful and kind. And I entered into thralldom to you willingly, knowing what the consequences would be.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Youou," he said, meeting Youou's eyes levelly with his own hard, golden gaze. "I am not sorry that I spent three years as yours."

He stopped and waited in silence. Youou took a deep breath, mustering his own determination - this was something he'd thought of long before, but never said aloud. "Let me - repay you," he said.

"What?" Fai blinked, bemused and startled.

"You have your ways. I have mine," Youou said, forcing himself to look Fai in the eye. "And debts and obligations must be repaid. You spent three years as my slave, among humans - now it's my turn to spend three years as yours, among your people."

He sat there, waiting for an answer, until his nerve almost broke - and then Fai laughed.

It was at once a sound that was strange and unfamiliar; he looked up in shock to see Fai's gold eyes dancing in the firelight. "Oh, Youou," Fai said. "You have no idea what you're offering. To live among my people, as my thrall -"

"I'm not afraid," Youou insisted, clenching his fist. "Besides," he said more quietly. "My home is destroyed, my enemy is dead - I have nowhere else to go."

Fai had begun to speak, but then he stopped, closing his mouth and giving Youou a piercing look. "Well then, Youou," he said, "let us travel together a little bit longer, at least long enough to reach my home. When you know more about what you are asking, then we'll see."

Finally he stood up, and reached down to take Youou's hands, pull him uncompromisingly to his feet. Youou followed, eyeing Fai warily; this was a new man, no longer subservient or docile, with his own will and his own agenda.

Youou thought he could get used to this.

---

~end.

Author's notes: In Fai's vampire culture, exchanging mutual periods of thralldom is akin to a vow of marriage. *grin* Which is why he's saying that Kurogane doesn't know what he's asking.

---

4. Decorum

The first night after their return to Nihon, Tomoyo threw a banquet in their honor.

Everyone congratulated Kurogane on his safe return, of course, but the main focus of attention was on Fai. After all, most of the court had only gotten a brief glimpse of him on his previous stay in Nihon; the news that he was to become a permanent resident aroused a buzz of gossipy excitement among the perpetually bored nobility. From the moment they entered the dining hall Fai was the center of a cloud of attention.

Fai soaked up all the attention and responded with a charming grace, displaying manners sufficient to soothe all but the grumpiest masters of ceremony. People constantly congratulated him on his nihongo, spoken with a trace of accent but with enviable precision, and complimented him on his lovely formal kimono of gold and green, the panels depicting a high cloud-swept sky over a peaceful rice paddy. (The kimono had been a gift from Tomoyo, of course; the princess had nearly been beside herself with glee to have, as she put it, someone who could wear green convincingly.)

The tone sounded for dinner, and they all took their seats; Kurogane at Tomoyo's right hand, since this dinner was in their honor, and Fai at her left. Fai wielded his chopsticks flawlessly, not dropping a single grain of rice or spilling a single drop of broth (personally, Kurogane suspected cheating; nobody could be THAT careful while eating.) A word in the senior butler's ear for the evening had ensured that no dishes containing raw fish would be served to the Princess's guests, so Fai was able to eat his way through the dozens of tiny, beautifully presented dishes without incident.

At the same time he managed to keep up casual, insightful conversation with his neighbor on the other side from Kurogane, the topic mainly revolving around some of the tamer adventures they'd had in the worlds they traveled through. Kurogane, initially poised on a wire over Fai's initial reception at court, slowly relaxed as the dinner went on until he was finally able to keep up a quiet conversation with Tomoyo without hyperfocusing on his lover.

They talked with the other guests, ate their way through countless tiny courses, drank far too much of the Princess' good sake, and watched the musicians and ribbon-dancers that danced between the tables for their entertainment. And when at last the banquet broke up, everyone called out well-wishes to them as they half-stumbled to the rooms that had been set aside for them.

"You were great tonight," Kurogane blurted out to Fai, as they knelt in the cool darkness on the mats between their futons. Fai paused for a moment, his hands on the lapels of Kuyrogane's kimono near his throat, and tilted his head consideringly. The moonlight coming through the slatted windows illuminated his grin.

"Why, Kuro-formal," Fai said slyly - even in native Nihongo he still found ways to mangle Kurogane's name, even though Kurogane could swear he'd never taught him how - "were you worried about how I'd behave?"

Kurogane wasn't sure how to answer that; there was a mischevious note in Fai's voice and he was too drunk to navigate a minefield of conversation with Fai. He just shook his head and pulled Fai into his arms, kissing him deeply.

"Did Kuro-chama think that I wasn't paying attention to him?" Fai murmured against his lips, and then lapped his tongue against the corner of Kurogane's mouth, cleaning a stray drop of sweet mirin sauce. "During all those lessons?"

"It just seemed strange to see you so well-behaved," Kurogane admitted, tracing his lips down the line of Fai's jaw. "It's not like you, somehow."

Fai gave a throaty laugh, and no more was said for the time being.

The second night after their return to Nihon, Fai started a food fight.

---

5. Cold Iron

They were back in Piffle World, at the mercy (well, she called it 'hospitality') of Miss Daidouji. She'd welcomed them and bid them to stay, at her residence, for as long as they needed... and on learning that Kurogane's artificial arm had been destroyed in the battle with Fei Wong Reed, she'd immediately set Piffle Corporation's medical R&D department to the task of making him a new one.

He'd protested that they had no currency, nothing of value that could be used to repay such a valuable gift; but she only laughed. That galled Kurogane, kept him awake late at night while waiting for the new components to 'integrate' with his nerves.

A beeping sound at his door indicated that someone on the other side was pressing the 'admit' button, and given the lateness of the hour, it could only really be one person. He sighed and raised his voice, making a painful attempt to sit up before flopping back down against the pillows. "Unlock," he commanded the room's computer, and the light level raised slightly as the door flashed green and slid silently open.

Fai padded in on quiet feet, wearing a bathrobe with the Piffle Princess logo patterned brazenly all over the fabric. "Kuro-chan should be sleeping, this late at night," he scolded as he perched lightly on the edge of the bed.

"That's a hell of a thing for you to say, considering you were the one who showed up in the middle of the night," Kurogane grumbled.

"If you were asleep like you should have been, you wouldn't have even heard the tone, and I would have gone away," Fai pointed out, scootching closer to Kurogane and starting to run his fingers lightly over Kurogane's right forearm. "But no, Kuro-stubborn is still awake, because he won't take his medicine like a good boy."

Kurogane looked away; he could hardly argue. "I don't like how it makes me feel all spacey," he grumbled. "Pain doesn't bother me. Being out of my head does."

"But something is bothering you," Fai said gently. "You've been in a terrible mood all day, ever since Tomoyo convinced you to let them start installing the new arm. This one is supposed to be better for you, you know. Since they have the chance this time to install it to fit properly, it won't hurt you or bleed like the last one did. It'll be stronger and lighter; you'll hardly be able to tell the difference from your real one. So what's wrong?"

The last words came out plaintively, and Kurogane felt bad; he knew that the subject of his missing arm upset Fai badly, since Kurogane had sacrificed it in payment for his life back in Ceres. He'd been the one to pay for the first arm, sacrificing the last of his magic; and he'd been the one to argue most enthusiastically for the replacement. He knew it was important to Fai, but that was exactly why...

Kurogane sighed and reached across his body, throwing away the white canvas cover that the doctors had draped over it before they left. Right now the arm was only a skeleton, only the first structural joists and movement cables installed. Even it responded to his thoughts, however, twitching and clicking when he tried to will his arm to move. Bare metal gleamed in the dim overhead lights. "You have your magic back again," he explained. "And I don't want this if it's going to keep us apart."

Fai pulled back and leveled a Look at him; halfway between an angry glare and a chastening stare of disapproval. "What?" Kurogane demanded, not feeling up to Fai and his mercurial moods tonight.

In response, Fai reached over and placed his hand on Kurogane's metal arm. "What the hell are you doing?" Kurogane demanded; he tried to move away, but Fai had him trapped between his body and the edge of the bed and he had nowhere to go. "Stop it!"

"Kuro-chama is in pain. Shouldn't I be too?" Fai countered.

"It doesn't work that way, dammit!" Kurogane got his other hand up between their bodies, and shoved Fai back. "This isn't some kind of competition to see who can be the biggest martyr! Just because I'm suffering doesn't mean you have to!"

Slowly, Fai sat back with his hands folded in his lap. The dim lights showed up the red mark on Fai's hand, before it slowly faded back into pale white. "Well, that's true for you too, isn't it?" he asked in a level tone. "Kuro-stupid shouldn't make himself suffer just because it would be more convenient for me."

Kurogane let out a huff of exasperation as he dropped his head back onto the pillow. His head was throbbing, as it often did after coming up against Fai's logic. "Don't do shit like that," he grumbled.

Fai smiled and leaned over him again - scrupulously avoiding the metal arm - and placed a palm over Kurogane's forehead. "Don't fret so much about me, Kuro-worrywart," he said softly. "Dr. Arathi says that the outer layers of the arm will be plastic and 'fleshtoner,' whatever that means - at any rate, they're not metallic. And for the rest of it, well, we can be careful."

"Hm," Kurogane said, not wanting to admit that he hadn't thought that far. With the first arm, Fuuma had apologized for it being 'incomplete,' but he hadn't translated that forward to thinking this new one wouldn't be. "Whatever."

Fai chuckled and sat back a bit, lightly brushing Kurogane's hair away from his face. "Kuro-sweaty is a mess," he said teasingly. "The sheets are all soaked with the sweat of your pointless macho stoicness. How about a sponge bath and I can change the linens, hmmm?"

"Yeah, all right," Kurogane grunted, hiding his relief at the thought of being clean and dry. He didn't object, either, when Fai leaned forward again and claimed his lips in a kiss.

---

6. Otherworld

Kurogane woke with a convulsive start, all his muscles seizing and his hand clutching spastically in the air as though to grab something - or to ward them off? The details of the dream that had awoken him fled from his dark and clouded mind, leaving only tattered fragments and impressions; slashing or hacking at something, dark fluid spattering in arcs... his own voice laughing.

He raised one hand and rubbed at his face, then paused to stare at his own hand in the dim darkness. This was the hand that had held the cursed, evil sword that had swallowed his arm; that Syaoran had cut off his wrist in the dream... or was it a dream? The moment the illusion had been broken, his hand was right back where it had always been.

But was it unchanged? Shadows seemed to pulse across his skin, quick-moving like skittering insects; he hissed and scrubbed at it with his other hand, stopping only when he felt his nails draw blood.

Enough of this shit. Kurogane tossed his covers aside, and swung to his feet on the creaking floorboards.

In this world they were staying in a couple of cheap apartments over an old closed store. It was echoingly empty when Kurogane made his way downstairs, flipped on the lights and stared around. He would have scorned to admit to being afraid of the dark, but the grimy, abandoned atmosphere reminded him too strongly of the soulless Otherworld they had passed through several worlds ago, and he hated it.

Still, the empty arena was where he had been training Syaoran in the mornings. He took a deep breath, drew Souhi, and fell into a kata. Swordplay had always been his escape before, the refuge he turned to when he needed to calm the storm inside his mind. He went through the first few positions, breathing deeply and willing his thoughts to drain away. He picked up the speed of the exercise, pacing sure-footedly through the scattered fallen plastic, bringing his sword to slice neatly and expertly around him -

- slicing through Syaoran's chest, blood streaming from his mouth, the Princess screaming -

His hand jerked back as though the sword hilt had burned him, and the blade clattered to the floor; Kurogane followed after it a moment later, his training desperately seeking to recover the lost weapon, but it was too late, the momentum had been broken.

He thumped to his knees on the concrete floor, hands grabbing at his own hair. "Fuck," he said, the word a harsh scraped whisper in the silence of the room; why was it that this world he couldn't even remember could rob him of the sanctuary that swordplay had always been for him?

"Can't sleep?" a familiar voice came from behind him, and Kurogane whirled around. Fai was sitting on a dust-covered desk, and how had Kurogane been so distracted that he hadn't even sensed his entrance? He had his legs drawn up against him, chin resting on his knees, and his eyes as he gazed at Kurogane were unusually open and serious.

"Kuro-papa hasn't been sleeping right ever since we left that place, two worlds ago," Fai said.

"I don't comment on your nightmares, mage," Kurogane grunted, retrieving his sword and sheathing it as he stood up. "So you're in no position to comment on mine."

Fai sighed. "But it means you're tired in the mornings, and slower than ever to react to things," he said gently. "Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun are getting worried."

"I'm - " Kurogane's throat closed over the /fine,/ he knew he was not fine; if he lied and said he was, he would be no better than the mage. "Not your business," he said instead, but it came out weaker this time.

"Sorry to say you are, Kuro-sama," Fai said with a tilted smile. He slid his legs down and hopped off the desk, coming over to Kurogane's side. He tilted his head up at Kurogane inquisitively. "Are you thinking about that world?"

"I don't remember anything from that world!" Kurogane said agitatedly. He went to grip his sword hilt in his usual gesture of tension, then released it as though it had stung him. "Just - arriving in a park with no-one around, and being attacked, and then..."

"It wasn't your fault," Fai told him, his words quiet in the harsh silence of the empty room. "Whatever presence was commanding that world, you were fully under its control. You couldn't help anything that you did."

Kurogane vented a bitter laugh, and slid to the floor beside Fai. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" he spat angrily. "That some... thing can take over my mind and body and do whatever the hell it likes?"

He stared at the wide pools of light cast by the overheads, trying not to look into the shadows. He did remember more than he'd told Fai; he remembered a terrible pain in his head, and a darkness that crept inwards from his field of vision until he was looking down a long dark tunnel. And he remembered killing; killing people with his friends' faces, with Fai's clothing and bright blond hair, killing and killing and laughing...

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Fai's hand landed on his head, but then slowly relaxed. The soothing touch combed over his scalp, pressing lightly over the crown of his head before tracing along the bones under his ears to his jaw. "No one is controlling you now, Kuro-sama," Fai said seriously. "You're free to do what you want, to use your sword in whosever service you want to... to protect whomever you please."

Fai's voice was sad, almost envious - but Kurogane found it hard to pin down why. Instead he found his eyelids getting heavier and heavier, and his head drooping forward...

He woke up on the floor of the abandoned store the next morning, feeling better rested than he had in weeks.

---

7. Fifty Ways to Kill Your Lover

They made love slowly, lazily in the rainy afternoon. There was not much else to do; this being Nihon's rainy month most outdoor pastimes were suspended as the gutters ran high in the streets and the skies opened up with a steady rumble for most hours out of every day. It had been so last year, and would likely be so again next year. It felt strange, being able to rely on something like that; the fixed patterns of the weather, of the seasons. They had spent so long moving from one world to the next that the idea that something could be the same after a whole year was still an astonishing novelty to them.

Kurogane liked it, though. And although he whined constantly about the rain in the spring, the heat in the summer and the soggy abundance of snowfall in the winter, Kurogane suspected that Fai liked it too.

There was no more hurry, no urgency in their sex. They'd been lovers for years, by now, and had time to learn each others' ways and rhythms, their good points and sensitive points. More importantly - despite the fact that both of them had long deeply-buried fears of the ones they loved abandoning them - they'd both had time to learn that the other wasn't going away.

Afterwards, though, while Kurogane lay on their futon and dozed, Fai got up. He pulled a light robe around himself and left the room; quietly so as not to disturb Kurogane, but it wasn't like the ninja could fail to notice his departure. His eyes fluttered open and he stared at the crossbeams of the ceiling, hearing the raindrops thrumming against the roof steadily, before he finally growled and rolled over to the edge of the mattress. While he really would have preferred to laze about or possibly take a nap, instead he had to go looking to the damned mage again.

It was the damned dreams. Kurogane had hoped that after all this time, they would finally leave Fai in peace, but it seemed not. They would go months without one, and then with no apparent trigger he'd have one or two in a week. For a while after having the dreams, Fai would get restless and agitated after sex, and not want to stay; he'd always go and find something else to do for a while, and flinch away if Kurogane tried to touch him. Kurogane knew why, knew that it wasn't really him that Fai was afraid of, but it still hurt like a dagger in his stomach to see Fai cringe away from his touch.

He found Fai in the castle's music room, now quiet and still between rehearsals, staring out the open shouji door into the rain falling across the garden. He had a koto in his lap but seemed in no hurry to do anything with it, just tracing his fingers absently along the scrollwork surrounding the soundbox.

Kurogane stood by the door and just watched him for a while. He knew better than to crowd Fai at times like these. "Hey," he said, softly announcing his presence.

Fai turned towards him and smiled at him, and even now, even now the sight of that sweet smile put a lump in Kurogane's throat. "Hey there, lover," he said in his light, husky voice. "Not sleeping?"

"You weren't there."

Fai's smile faded a little, and sadness clouded his eyes, although it wasn't enough to destroy his underlying happiness. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kurogane said gruffly. "I don't want you to apologize for shit like this. I hate seeing you suffer."

Fai put aside the koto and stood up, walked over to Kurogane and put his hand on his cheek. "I'm all right," he said softly.

Kurogane closed his eyes and put his hand up too, resting lightly over Fai's. "I hate seeing you suffer," he repeated quietly, "and knowing it's partly my fault."

"It's not your fault," Fai said quietly but firmly. "It was never your fault. These dreams started before you and I ever got together. It's all in my head, not yours."

Kurogane knew that, he knew it as well as Fai did but that didn't make the feelings of sorrow and regret go away. "I was a bit of a brute back then," he said ruefully.

Fai laughed, and while it was a conscious attempt to lighten the mood, it wasn't entirely fake. "You were just being your grouchy puppy self," he said in a light tone. "And I wouldn't have you any other way."

"I wouldn't have hurt you, even back then," Kurogane said. It was an assurance he'd repeated many times, so many times that it had become its own ritual between them, like Fai's nicknames.

Fai nodded, accepting the assurance as he always did. "I know," he said. "I know it now, and I knew it back then, too. But knowing something in your head doesn't make the thoughts and feelings go away."

Kurogane knew that well. He sighed, sliding down to sit on one of the wooden benches lining the room. His joints creaked; although it was hard for either of them to tell how much time really had passed, during their journey, he knew he was starting to feel the years before Fai was.

"I wish I could make the dreams go away," he said sincerely. He did. He hated that Fai still had nightmares of dying, that he still could not bear to be in Kurogane's presence immediately after sex for the old constant trauma that the nightmares had burned into him. He hated, in a corner of his mind, that Fai still could not fully trust him enough to let the old ghosts of fear and punishment rest. He felt guilty for that, blaming Fai for something the mage could not control. But just knowing something was untrue in your head didn't make it go away. "I just don't want you to be in pain any more."

"I'm alive, Kuro-pon," Fai said seriously. "Surviving always entails some pain; only the dead are beyond it. It's all right. I get them less often now every year, even if they're never fully gone. And I know they're not real, so I don't let them bother me."

"But - when you're having the dream itself," Kurogane said, worrying over the topic like a dog with a bone, still not quite able to let it go. "How can you know?"

Fai smiled and took hold of Kurogane's hand, bringing it up to rest on his own chest, above his breastbone. "I know," he said. "Because in the dreams, I can't feel you."

Kurogane remembered now. It was another marking that had never gone away, this one of the time Fai had spent transformed into a vampire, drinking Kurogane's blood to survive. A bond had developed between them then, between predator and prey, so that one had always known exactly where the other was.

Fai no longer needed to drink his blood to survive, and over time the prey bond had faded. But not, for Fai, faded completely.

Kurogane focused on the feel of Fai's heartbeat beneath his fingers. He looked into Fai's eyes, clear and blue and honest. That was all right, then. Let one scar heal the other. Moments of pain and sadness still came and went, like thunderclouds, but Fai's life was still a happy one.

"Are you ready to go back now?" he asked.

"I think so," Fai said. He stood and held out his hand, helping Kurogane up from the bench.

His hand still in Fai's, Kurogane led the way back into the castle.


the end (for now.)